This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
