bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
