so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize