your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
