im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
