I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
