Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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