whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
