You smell like a Billy Joel song
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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