so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
