and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
