What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
