I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
