The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
