i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
