i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
