You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
