Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm really busy with my period
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