areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
