$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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