Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
