I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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