totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
