Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
