This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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