How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
