I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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