First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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