Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
