operation have a gay friend backfired
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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