Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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