i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
