im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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