I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
