rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
