i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
