She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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