I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
