Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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