Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
