Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
