he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
