I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I have aggressive nipples.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
