shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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