I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
