I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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