I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
