so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
