I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
