if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
