Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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