I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
