Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize