What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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