So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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