Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
His nipple licking is glorious
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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