Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
If that was your dad, he is hot
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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