4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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