I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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