i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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