I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
