it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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