is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
ttyl tear gas
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
