shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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