he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she smelled like a LAN party
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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