i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
