I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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