did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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