I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
